Stories of J. Golden told by his grand nephew, Jim Kimball.
Things went so far that she told the bishop whether or not someone should be called to the Sunday School because they failed to return borrowed items. Apparently, the bishop did enough of her bidding that people’s complaints alerted Church headquarters.
After talking with the bishop and Relief Society president, Kimball took care of things in sacrament meeting. At the close of the meeting Golden was called to speak. “I want to ask you all a question. Would you please show by the raise of hands: How many of you have ever had a sliver in your ass? One little girl who’d recently gotten one going down a slippery slide raised her hand. Slowly other people started raising theirs. Good—you know you need somebody else to help you take it out. You can’t do it by yourself. Well, that’s why I’m here.
You have a sliver in your ass, brothers and sisters, and I’m here to help you take it out. Now, all who can release Sister Brown as the Relief Society president, would you do so by the usual sign?
Are there any opposed? Good. Thank you.
Another J. Golden Kimball Story
In a church welfare meeting Golden was assigned to check on a piece of property in Manti for a possible welfare farm. He was headed that way for a Stake Conference. In the next meeting President Grant asked if he'd had the opportunity to visit the parcel. Golden answered that he had.
"How was it?" asked President Grant.
"Well now, it was a nice piece of ground, about 180 acres, with a nice slope to it and a good stream of water at the head." responded Golden.
"How big was the stream?" queried the prophet.
"I could piss about half way acrossed it." answered Golden.
To which Rudger Clawson huffed, "Bro-ther Kimball, you're out of order!"
"Of course I am," said Golden matter of factly, "if I wasn't I could've pissed all the way across."